What Does it Mean to be Gifted?

January 07, 2019 by Joy H. Selak PhD

We take a lot of care in our education systems to recognize and nurture gifted children. They are often placed in special, smaller classes and encouraged to work at their own pace, moving ahead as quickly as they can. Some parents take their gifted children out of the education system and home school them, nurturing their gifts while encouraging them to thrive. They are presented to the world as outside the norm as they play the piano, explain their invention, excel in sports. Whether physical or intellectual, their gifts are held in high regard.

The discussion of what it means to be gifted in the novel, CeeGee’s Gift, has an entirely different take. CeeGee’s gift comes with the responsibility to be generous, to offer her gift with kindness and a desire to help others. That is the only reason she has it.

As I wrote the story, I began by thinking about who we would become if misfortune or illness robbed us of our gifts. And then I thought, ‘Well, if you can no longer give one gift, you must find another one to give.’ I came to believe that being gifted was not about being special and pampered, it was about a responsibility to find ways we can each do good in the world.

I hope as children, parents and grandparents read this book, they share a discussion that is two-fold. First to the child, ‘Are you gifted? What are your gifts?’ Followed by the second, more important question, ‘Are you giving your gift generously? In what ways have you helped others by giving your gift?’ I hope readers will let me know if they have this conversation and what the outcome was. I would love for you to share with me, so I can share with others.

It's Never too Late to Create

January 06, 2019 by Joy H. Selak PhD

In recent months several friends of mine have discovered they are creatives. These are women 50 and older who were a little dejected, a bit unfulfilled with the present, and each began a project. One involved scrapbooking with old bits of fabric that carried fond memories, the other worked on painting skills to illustrate a family story book. They were transformed by these experiences and began to approach work, life, time and space with new eyes. They had a new way of looking at the world.

I was raised by a fearless creative. My mother would try any art form—oil painting, stitchery, collage, mixed media, anything—and I never recall her worrying or being fearful that she would not be good at it. She just thought creativity was fun. She was not brought up this way. As the dirt-poor daughter of a hell-fire-and-damnation Baptist minister, she was not taught to find joy in creativity. It was just in her. Or, like my other friends, she looked inside and found it.

My own creativity is less tactile than my mother’s or my friends. As a child I found creativity in singing, dancing and acting, then as I grew older, increasingly in writing. When I am writing there is no linear time, there are no boundaries. These are the most liberating moments of my day. And if I don’t write, like my friends, I feel a little dejected, a bit unfulfilled. I wrote CeeGee’s Giftover many years, but the final manuscript was written during a tense time in America, a time of hate and despair. While writing, I did not have to live in that time. I was with a magical young girl, and a dear old man, in a town where people were kind and time stood still. Perhaps this ability to enter other places and spaces is why we must create. What drives your creativity?

A Guide for Giving

January 03, 2019 by Joy H. Selak PhD

In my novel, CeeGee’s Gift, Mr. Tindale and CeeGee spend a lot of time talking about what it means to be gifted and CeeGee’s responsibility to give her gift. They compose a ‘Guide for Giving’ for CeeGee to follow whenever it is time for her to share a Knowing—her knowledge of the future—with kindness and generosity. Later, at Mr. Tindale’s funeral, CeeGee’s mother distills these values into the simplest terms. It is a list I find helpful in my own life. I hope it will be helpful in yours.

· Give Your Gifts.

· Follow the Golden Rule.

· Do not Judge.

· Look for Silver Linings. Things that seem bad at first may turn out good in the end.

· If you can change your direction, you can change your whole future.

If my gift is to write, this means I must commit to my writing as a primary force in my life, not just when I can escape from all the other busyness. I must be kind, no one should be harmed by my words, and I must be clear that I do not know everything. I should not preach as if I have divine intellect, but just tell a story respecting all the characters and their diversity. I don’t have to worry about the Silver Linings, because by nature I am always looking for these—to a fault, perhaps. And when I find myself stuck, or in a negative situation, it is my job to change. The map of the future is mine to build.

I will follow this list, as did CeeGee, Mr. Tindale and many other characters in the small town of Southport. How about you? Is this your list, or do you have your own Guide? Please share.

The Three C’s: Creativity, Communication and Compassion

December 16, 2018 by Joy H. Selak PhD

The banner on my JoyWrites website has three words—Creativity, Communication and Compassion. I have chosen these words over many years to define my purpose in life or, like CeeGee, I’ve learned these are the gifts I must give generously and for the benefit of others.

CREATIVITY: For me this first meant participation in the arts—singing, dance, acting and public speaking. And most especially writing. But I think there is more to creativity than these art forms. To be a creative is to take risks, to learn new things, to walk through the open door to an uncertain future. It is to find a different answer and share it. Creativity is an expression of a deep, personal knowing. That expression leads to the next word…

COMMUNICATION: I turn first to writing as my best form of communication, but teaching and public speaking have also been important. When I am communicating an idea effectively, I enter a zone of confidence and serenity. I have a sense that I am imparting my best truth. This is not preaching or certainty. It is sharing the best that I have with others and doing it in a way that respects them and meets them where they are. It is using language they understand and listening to what they have to say as well.

COMPASSION: While I work as a philanthropic advisor, my own giving takes the form of compassion more than cash. Caring more than charity. People tell me their stories, and I listen carefully. I can feel the emotion they express, and I think they know this. So, they tell me more. I hold these stories, connect them to others, and often build alliances between people and their stories that will be valuable to one another. The 3 C’s make a circle, one leading to the other and around again. I’d like to know your three words. What defines your purpose?

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